Ramblings of a Bi-Polar Goddess Daughter

After yesterday’s Pagan Pride march in Nottingham, and the purchase of a new Ivy staff, it seems my third eye has decided to open very wide! I had a very bizarre dream last night, that has once again renewed my faith in myself, the Goddess and my life.

Some of you may know that my life has been a little turbulent recently. I have been trying to study Yoga for Pregnancy with the BWY (British Wheel of Yoga) and this was interrupted with me falling pregnant and then miscarrying. So I stopped teaching Yoga for a while and I have been focusing on healing myself and trying to seek some answers. As it was Lughnasadh on the 1st August, my husband and I decided to get some tattoo’s done in remembrance of our first Angel Baby. We both had pentagrams over our hearts, although they are different designs for each of us, they both mean so much. Last week was incredibly stressful, with many events happening, reaching a point of near explosion on Thursday and culminated with me cancelling the Lughnasadh BBQ at my home. The less said about that incident, the better really.

Since the miscarriage, I have been trying to regain my faith. I felt a little bereft of the Goddess, even though, I have been working on the Sabbats and Esbats, I felt disconnected until more recently on the full moon before Lughnasadh. I practised a solitary ritual at home on that evening and felt closer to her than I have in a while.

So, yesterday was a highly anticipated day by myself. I had been to the Pagan Pride march in 2011, but had to miss last years, due to back problems. I didn’t think I would be able to march yesterday as I have an Achilles heel injury at the moment from running. But, I donned my robes and wellies and decided to grin and bear it! And so glad I am that I did!

Marching through the busy Sunday streets of Nottingham, dressed in full pagan gear, with about a thousand other’s is an amazing experience! The stopping of traffic, the open-mouthed stares of passers-by and I am sure there are LOADS of photo’s out there on the net of the hoards yesterday! The march winds through the streets of Nottingham and ends at the beautiful Arboretum bandstand. The whole park was transformed into a beautiful Pagan playground and is a little like walking through a Medieval village, with all the stall holders selling their wares. Talks, dancers, children, dogs and fun had by all!

I had decided that the day was going to be a shopping experience for myself and one of the items I bought was a beautiful Ivy Staff. I had been looking for an appropriate staff for years and finally, I found one.

Well, it seems that Ivy is the wood for me! Now even the artist/carver and told me that for him to have found such a large piece of ivy is unbelievable, to it seems that this Staff is very special. Ivy itself, is represented in the Celtic Ogham and it has strong associations with intoxicating drinks in England, as Ivy wind used to be drunk to induce visions and prophetic dreams. The leaves contain a substance called Hederin, which was chewed to facilitate an altered state of consciousness. PLEASE NOTE: IVY IS HIGHLY TOXIC! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! It is considered a poison.

Last night, upon retiring with my hot chocolate, I resolved to get in touch with my Witchy side more often. Getting up early, meditating and connecting with the Goddess and generally making time daily to connect with her.

It seems it began while I was sleeping. My dream was vivid and full of symbolism. It began at a friends house; I knew this person was a friend, although I have never been to their home. We were preparing for a funeral celebration. Sounds odd doesn’t it? There were many people there, some were there for other things – such as learning and healing. My friend was to officiate over the funeral rites, as well as do the teaching and healing, it seemed there had been a triple booking. She was worried that she would not be able to cope with everything. This friend is a real friend, not imaginary and is a wonderful and most capable Crone in my eyes. However, I sat with her, face to face, forehead to forehead, third eye to third eye and told her what she needed to hear, channelling the Goddess. Telling her that she could do these things, that she was strong and capable and the Goddess wouldn’t have chosen her to do these tasks if she weren’t.

We were then disturbed as the cats and dogs knocked off some bread and began to eat it – the loaf was meant as an offering; she offered some to me, but seeing as the beloved pets had already taken healthy nibbles, I declined.

We made our way to the funeral, heading uphill, through snow (strange in the middle of summer to dream of snow), after we had each chosen a Chalice to drink from. I chose a wooden one. On the trek up to the church, I was walking with a man, whom I seemed to know we were talking and then chinked our chalices as you do and mine broke – it splintered. He found a wooden axe head and picked it up, because he felt it would be useful.

We arrived at the church, in our furs and winter robes, the church turned out to be the Priory across the road from where I live. As the coffin was rolled through to be cremated (which doesn’t happen at the church in the real world, but this is a dream remember and anything can happen), I jumped on top and went through with it, behind the curtains. As the trapdoor in the bottom opened to release the coffin, the man I had walked along to the church with, rescued me from inside – I jumped into his arms.

So bizarre! This dream holds so many interesting meanings for me and I am still working through them all. The one part I found very interesting was the re-awakening of my third-eye, after buying the Ivy staff. It was such a powerful message, that I contacted my friend and relayed the message as I did feel part of it concerned her. The wooden chalice breaking, does concern me, as I worry that my Goddess Chalice is broken now, after the miscarriage. But, to me, the most potent image of jumping into the fire; the burning away of the old: and then being rescued by a man or rather jumping into his arms; surrendering to my fate perhaps?

Blessed Be

One Response to Ramblings of a Bi-Polar Goddess Daughter

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